Tag Archives: Depression

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The Void

A breaking dawn does not mean
a new day has begun;
my life is spun in hours that
never advance, and I do not
even bother to rise in the mornings
of the whippoorwill.
I am filled with an emptiness
that stretches into nothingness.
and when my name is called
I do not answer.
Yesterday, today, tomorrow…
they are all rolled into my despair,
and I have stopped fighting for a
meaning that never comes.
My brittle bones are ground into
the finest dust, and when the wind
kicks up, I am scattered
through empty streets.
I have surrendered to bouts
of liquid reasoning
for the grave will not dig itself.

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Contrasting Lights

You have always stood beneath a dazzling
array of bright colors.
Brilliant, and brave, and blinding.
Your light provided bright reflections
and lit the stage upon which you danced;
careless, joyful, and exuberant.

It was a separate light that bathed me,
not quite so radiant and full of shadows.
It has never illuminated my way
nor has it warmed me in its beam.
It was what it seemed: an insignificant
blue glow, dim and misleading.

In your light, you were found. In mine,
everything was lost.

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Descent into Silence

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Caught in a flame, and scorched by fire
The searing heat of dark desire
A life for most part innocent
Now lay shattered, scorched, and rent
And on this day to never set
The Sun reveals what she can’t forget
There are no tears still yet to fall
For in this act, she lost it all
What still constricts this child’s laughter
What further harm awaits hereafter
Horrors endured in silent fear
One day stretched out into a year
A year to ten, and now a life
Lies severed by one day of strife
And now confined behind a wall
In silent screams, we watch her fall
Into a pit of pain and bile
All to whet a taste most vile
Malevolent and deadly sour
Another child lost to baseless power

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A Godly Silence

I speak to God in silent phrase
And offer up my heartfelt praise
Yet silence is His voice to me
He shows no earthly empathy

My prayers are but a silent wind
And I a storm that’s lost within
A body crushed beneath the weight
Of loss, regret, and certain fate

In slow descent, the spirit ebbs
Dead within this mortal dread
Yet silent still His saving grace
A void I feel within this place

No comfort shall I know this day
My God has simply slipped away
And in his place a dark despair
Hot ashes flowing everywhere

The pain increases even still
All that’s left is my free will
And so, I chose another path
Turning from His vengeful wrath

His Son was slowly crucified
So He might feel more sanctified
Though in the hour of my need
His sacrifice is lost on me.

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Defeated

I reached for fame, but my arms too short;
disappointment reached back and embraced me instead.
I pushed off fear and tried to be strong,
but the effort sapped the life in me, and I fell asleep.
I awoke with hope and drowned that with a cup of coffee.
My day is better spent walking silently, alone.
My thoughts bounce from the pinnacles of possibility
to the depths of despair, turning back and forth by the minute.
Restless yet spent, I stumble through each and every day
seeking only a moment to catch my breath (secretly hoping it will be my last).
Life is not fair that way. It will pummel you, but it won’t let you quit.
You have to do that on your own time, whenever that might be.
If I had the courage to end it all, wouldn’t I then have the courage to live it all?
You would think. On both counts you’d be wrong.
So until breath departs and sleep descends, I keep stumbling along.
If you see me in the road, cross the street.
The stench of defeat can wilt an angel’s wings.

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Cowardly Run

Footsteps echo across silent floors
Lightly I stumble against bolted doors
I can no longer see for the daylight blinds
Thoughts become jumbled; confused is the mind
Beneath my eyelids, a white pain sears
Unleashing regrets, a torrent of fears
So many years wasted and so few to live
I lie down exhausted, no strength to forgive
My bed sheets are covered in sweat and regret
My slumber eludes me, a payment for debts
I toss and I turn and shiver with cold
The reckoning comes for we who grow old
I wait for an ending, too slow to come
My life has been naught but a cowardly run
My reason is slipping; my hope is diminished
The sun is now setting, my long days are finished
Chandelier stars slowly appear
Darkness descends, as time disappears
Moment by moment, and breath by breath
Slowly appears the sweet face of Death.

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The Winter Bites My Bones

The Winter Bites My Bones
Standing all alone amongst the howling winds,
I count my sins and shiver, shiver, shiver
Icy cold reflections freeze me to the spot
No longer will I find warmth in my denials
Numb and quaking, I huddle amongst the fallen leaves
And like them, slowly decay and fade away.
The winter bites my bones
Chewing my frozen flesh with teeth of sharp icicles
Darkness descends and I am numbingly consumed.
The frozen ground will not receive me
Shallow breathes hang before me, vapored and still
Muscles aching from too much holding on
As the winter bites my bones.

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Perserverence

Awoke today to nothingness, and no sense of direction
I looked upon the looking glass which offered no reflection
Without much aim, I stumbled forth, devoid of my complexion
And set my way in this darkened day, begun in such rejection.

Aimlessly, I persevered, despite my lack of vision
Offered up my hopelessness as an object for derision
Stepped forth into my wandering, so filled with indecision
But felt somehow, that even now, this was the best decision.

Sightless and in full confusion, one foot before another
I wandered forth upon my course, each turn unlike the other
I cried out for a helping hand, I cried out for a brother
With breathless yelp, I screamed, “please help” but my words were quickly smothered.

I turned about and struggled home, afraid and full defeated
And not one time upon the path, ever was I greeted
Yet even so in time I’d come to find myself full seated
In my home, all alone, blind but undefeated.