Tag Archives: dying

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We Shall Remember (An Ode to Dan)

Your night has fallen,
and the light of the new moon
is filtered through an
unbroken mass of cloud,
a brilliant ray reflecting
upon your works.

Your verse remains standing,
redeeming the world from darkness:
they seem to move and
we are filled with awe.

Your words were mountains,
iron-like masses thrown heavily
against the somber sky -
and as the dark blue deepens
into purple and purple black
we reflect upon your poems,
which were gurgling streams
cutting through our consciousness.

One never thinks of velvet
when the light is cold and thin
when snow lies deep
and the intense light dazzles the eye,
but your lines were velvet in their
silver light and inky blackness
and we shall remember.

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Opposite Sides of the Same Pain

A Sunni mother silently watches:
overhead, a gathering of scavenging ravens
paints the dusky sky
above the broken bodies of her three children.
Bewilderment mixed with horror and beauty,
accented by the pebbles beneath her feet,
polished smooth by a flood of tears.
An acrid wind swirls
with scattered hope and broken dreams;
confetti raining on freshly scorched earth.
Another womb is rent in unbearable grief
at the loss of its precious fruit.

In that very moment, across the sea,
a Haitian waif reflects:
a flock of seagulls angrily position
above the ghetto garbage heap,
next to crumbling shanty
where her newborn triplets scream with hunger.
Bewilderment mixed with horror and beauty,
the waste beneath her feet glistens
with the flood of her tears.
The stench of rotting wind swirls
with scattered hope and broken dreams;
flies rising up from quaked earth.
Another womb is rent in unbearable grief
at the bounty of its damnable fruit.

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We Write What We Know

I had lived one life with my face turned from the sun,
breathing icy winds and my father’s sin.
He is gone now but his fingerprints
remain a stain upon my broken bones.
My sister traded his midnight hugs for an opium exit;
her ashes instead of his lashes.
I took my refuge in dark shadows and withered.

I told…once.
Was rewarded with a year sabbatical in a red brick asylum,
bought and paid for with my mother’s silence.
She collected her ransom daily/offered up her womb’s fruit
to feed him like grapes to Caesar’s gaping maw.
She furnished her home with lost innocence
and found comfort in our cries.
She is buried now and I am robbed of my mourning.

Unearth me when tomorrow comes.
Set my broken feet upon polished stones;
let ascending steps carry me home.
My screams no longer echo from the mountaintops
My dreams no longer tether my pain.
I am not healed, but I feel, and my words anoint
my open wounds.

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The Dance


In Spring she danced with her true love
Each step in softness, lights descending
From the silver rays of moon above
Terpsichore’s guidance never-ending.

Summer found her slightly winded
Though to her lover’s hand she held
And while this dance more quickly ended,
Within his arms all fears were quelled.

Upon a chilled wind Fall did follow
Fatigued, she cried, “No more to dance!”
He prayed to her beloved, Apollo,
“What price secures another chance?”

In Winter’s snow she found her rest
His tears upon her funeral pyre;
Now holding close within his chest
One final dance, his heart’s desire.

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The Sacrificial Child


Let not secrets fall outside these walls;
Ignore this child’s anguished call -
Don’t trouble me none, with your tellin’ tongue,
May a silenced voice save us all.

Oh, sweet child of mine, now is not the time
to be breakin’ down in tears.
Your father’s touch didn’ hurt you much,
and he’s gettin’ on in years.

I’m your mother son, and it troubles me some,
this fear you’ve seem to got.
I may turn away when ya’ll come to say,
“oh, Momma, make him stop”

Yes it grieves me some, that you’ve come undone,
jus’ keep it in your chest!
I know how you feel, just give it time to heal
And we’ll put it all to rest.

Got a call, my boy, from your school, my joy,
sayin’ you broke down in tears.
Don’t you know, my love, that come push to shove,
I’ll deny your tender fears.

You took your life my sweet, now the secret sleeps,
Let death now set you free.
Find your peace, my love, in the stars above,
and say a prayer for me.

I’ve five more to raise, and a thousand ways,
to keep it’ all within.
Please don’t blame me, sweetness, for my incompleteness,
And my part in this sin.

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Fade to Heaven

Time comforts me, though the clock winds down
And I’m driven to the ticking of another sound
My heart beats so softly, in erratic measure
And portends the end to this life I have treasured.
I’ve done my best, or so shall I plead
As the Book of Life will surely read
When comfort was asked, I held out my hand
I shared what I had without a demand
Solace I gave to those deep in sorrow
Lived for today, and prayed for tomorrow
The sick I did comfort, the hungry I fed
If needed I fought, and oftentimes bled
For the weak and the child with no one to care
To fill them with love and crush their despair
My joys and my sorrows, both equally scattered
Like dying fall leaves that no longer matter
Now days turn to hours, and hours to minutes
Now comes to a close this life with me in it
Softly my prayers in last utterance fall
Grace be upon me, I’ve given my all.

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Unforgiven

That I could walk in peace, though past sins grieved,

Or look upon the morning sun with relative ease.

My path is writ in time sharpened stones, and

I cannot find my way back home; indeed found

Lost amidst the bitter fog of yesterday’s deeds.

I cried out loud, will forgiveness descend, or strike

Me now my bitter end, and none did hear but the

poet’s caw; portend my shame and final fall.

Oh, that I could rewind and once again live as though

Merciful God would kindly give; but He would not,

And time is waning. My downward spiral is near complete

And draws now deep and final sleep. I shall not waken to

Tomorrow’s light, I cannot make what’s wrong now right.

And so my words, as sure they must

Eulogize me as they would the falling dust.

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Descent into Light

 

 

 

 

 

 

The windows of my existence
slam shut with profound resistance;
no light reflects my life’s regrets
dark thoughts are my subsistence.

I’ve lived a life most shattered,
redemption lay in tatters –
I close my eyes and realize
nothing really mattered.

My path was paved with sharp-edged stones;
each step cut deeply to the bone -
My blood revealed a fate long sealed,
No pleas were heard or crimes atoned.

Acceptance as the midnight falls,
my time has come, the hour calls-
Into the haze, beat down and dazed,
in darkness beats a heart, then stalls.

The final beat, a deeper cut,
the vein of life has no rebut;
spilling forth with little worth
the contents of my tortured gut

Beneath the lily and graven stone
The soul has fled, I’m all alone.
Now in the tomb I find some room;
My darkest fears are overthrown

The window opens, new hope descends
Now lifted up, my doubts rescind;
escape the grave, all pain is bathed
Into perfect light I walk again.

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My Turn From Heaven

My ashes are to dust betrothed,
My bones ‘neath lily and the rose;
My soul, which hath no penitence,
Shall ne’er see heaven’s countenance.

While God doth cry on bended knee,
“Who brought this vile wretch to Me?”
I have no prayer to speak for me,
Nor do I seek His sympathy.

I’ve cast my lot upon this heap
Come now an everlasting sleep;
As angels flee on bended wing
My unwinding was a simple thing;

Light heart though first was given me
Soon beat with endless misery:
Once hopeful dreamer fast awoken
Songs unsung and no words spoken

Continually seeking His advisement,
Receiving only harsh chastisement -
As a child I prayed for his bemusement,
Tho, my suffering lent to His amusement

He offered love, and then he took
My loved ones from his holy book.
He filled my life with misery
And hid Himself in the Trinity.

Father, Son, and Holy Ghost
Lashed me to their whipping post,
And each with certain celestial glee
Tore the very heart from me.

And so began my slow decline
That leaves me now in full recline;
I have no faith, nor do I now,
Profess in this my final hour

To seek His love and lifting grace
In this my final resting place.
In timeless repose, let me rest
A thorn insert into my breast -

For pain is something dear to me
Tho His lust for it unclear to me.
Why such angst and bitter spew?
You do not know the God I knew.

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Letting Go

Slip away my son, your night has come
As this day unwinds the sorrow
And do not fear the bells you hear
They ring a bright tomorrow

See the stars above, shining bright, my love
It reveals a path for you
Take one step to be heaven bound and free
Your spirit’s been renewed

It has been my boy, the utmost joy
To hold and love you true
If I must let go, you must surely know
How proud I am of you.

Take my hand my dear, and feel me near
Let go these earthly hollows
Feel the light within as you ascend
And know that I will follow

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Fight, My Brothers

Fight, my brothers, boys to men
And if you fall, to God ascend
Swear your oath on bended knee
Take up your march to victory
Do not fear to be laid low
Each hero has his story told
Depart my brothers, on lifted tide
We’ll right this wrong, or else we die.

For every decent thing within
Come we upon who lives depend
Into the fray we march and send
The boldest and the best of men

Though weary, faint, and sore afraid
Through cold of morning, heat of day
We cannot take another way
Our path is clear, we’ve naught to say

Cross mountains high and valleys low
In starlight bathed and moonbeams glow
With every bone and sinew bowed
For every oath and debt we owe

Into the night and far beyond
Cross fiery fields, o’er foggy ponds
Our path is clear, so brothers bond
Take up your arms and carry on.

Our time has come to march this road
For each of us to bear the load
To sacrifice what’s been bestowed
To ante up a measure owed

To live and die with equal grace
We must unite and leave this place
Of comfort, warmth, I’ll plead my case
Prepare all hope to lay to waste

A new and evil day emerges
Full of hate and dreadful scourges
Sing loud and full your deathly dirges
Be stout of heart, your song, it purges

Take solace in the devil’s charm
And when in doubt a haughty song
Lift up your eyes and carry on
Steadfast into the setting sun.

Fight my brothers, with heads held high
Anything less and we all die
In battle pitch our freedom lies
We have no time to sympathize

With shoulders broad take up your arms
The threat before must be disarmed
Quick, step into the fog of harm
So those we love may carry on

And do not wince or flee this place
A coward’s doubt is his disgrace
Be true to your brothers, and stay this place
For yours is not to throw this race

Be brave sure, be quick in pace
March beyond this arduous space
Laid low by arrows, bow and mace
Each death revealed upon your face

Though rivers tinged with blood may flow
Onward brothers, onward go
What lies ahead we do not know
In brotherhood entrust your soul.

And when the battle’s spent and won
And lay to rest their broken bones
Let their honor be widely known.
With brothers slain you return home

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Poet’s Lament

 

I’ve washed my life in an endless swash of
Smoke and cheap bought bourbon
I bathed my dreams in kerosene,
Set aflame in streets most urban.
My poets hand most still it stands
No words to ink most certain
My song is sung, my fall begun
Down falls the final curtain.
I wrestled with a weighty scythe
Laid low my expectations
And all for what? My final cut
Reveals no inspiration.
And yet I write, despite the fight
My hope not yet diminished
That still somehow, and even now
My legacy’s unfinished.

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Defeated

I reached for fame, but my arms too short;
disappointment reached back and embraced me instead.
I pushed off fear and tried to be strong,
but the effort sapped the life in me, and I fell asleep.
I awoke with hope and drowned that with a cup of coffee.
My day is better spent walking silently, alone.
My thoughts bounce from the pinnacles of possibility
to the depths of despair, turning back and forth by the minute.
Restless yet spent, I stumble through each and every day
seeking only a moment to catch my breath (secretly hoping it will be my last).
Life is not fair that way. It will pummel you, but it won’t let you quit.
You have to do that on your own time, whenever that might be.
If I had the courage to end it all, wouldn’t I then have the courage to live it all?
You would think. On both counts you’d be wrong.
So until breath departs and sleep descends, I keep stumbling along.
If you see me in the road, cross the street.
The stench of defeat can wilt an angel’s wings.