THAT’S ALL THERE IS, I THINK…


Reflection

All I would want to hear is that you are in a good place.

That’s all there is, I think.

I want to hear that you like yourself more than you did all those moments when you told me we would never amount to anything.

I want to know that you’ve changed for the better, but not how, not why, or how much.

I want to know that someone loves you.

That’s all there is, I think.

I want to know that you wake up everyday looking forward to whatever it is you have in your heart.

I want to know just how far the painted golden path of your dreams have led you, just how much it is that you have sacrificed to gain something far worthier.

I want to know that the wind has blown away every piece of me that didn’t quite resonate within you.

I want to know that you are free now, washed clean from all of my lies, the dirty blood that flowed through your veins whenever you looked at me, the dirt on your knees every time you bent over with such compassion to tend to my own weakness.

I want to know that you’re still that kind of person who would never let anyone go home alone.

I want to know that you never have to look over your shoulder, worrying about those days when I would get into trouble and make you cry all over again.

I want to know if you still like french press and if your fingers still bear the same raised skin you got from working so hard to make us work, the same raised skin I held on to for so long.

I want to know if you still find the good in men; if your faith has reached an ultimate standard now that I’m out of the way, if your convictions have brought you home.

I want to know if everything that reminds you of me no longer hurts as much, if it hurts at all.

I want to know if you’re still the same person underneath the protective arms, the breath of calla lilies, those sleepy eyes that became sadder and sadder with each day that passed until the clock told you it was time to break my heart; until those same eyes decided they no longer wanted to see me at all.

All I would want to hear is that you are not the same person as the one I was fortunate to meet and love.

That’s all there is, I think.

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